Why do you build me up buttercup, (:

 

Finally getting better so i am not sick, still don't feel all the way better but i am getting there. I went a week felling horrible from bronchitis. It was great to go back to school today i will never say this again but i missed school. (: chemistry was the best i had fun in there and we were not just doing work we got to blow things up. I will never admit this to you but i like you, you make me smile a lot. (:(: Community service week next week i am exited to give back to the community it shall be fun. Well Im off to go class and listen to DMB mmmm i cant wait till their concert.

Don't tell me if I'm dying, Cause I don't wanna know

I drifting apart from everything. All existence. I like it. Not talking to any body all day, just sitting there in my room. Seriously. It all feels good. Im going to go in m y room and write. Probably fall asleep, i always do.

When i need someone to talk to you're always there. When i act so stupid, you are there to laugh at me. When i don't have anything to wear, i have your closet. When i need to just scream because she annoys me, you're there to scream with me. When i am so sleepy i come up with silly things (Rubber doors!) you just go with it. Late night calls with graham cracker, talking about "apples" ha-ha.  You understand me, and my flaws. I can tell you anything and everything i have never been able to do that with anyone. I love you best friend. Thank you for always being there for me, and times to come. (:

I need this old train to breakdown, oh please let me just breakdown

Its pouring rain, and these are the days i wish i could express how i feel in song writing, songs that someone someday would think were so beautiful. But until i learn how to do that i am stuck with this. I've been stressed, worried, depressed, just un-content lately. She weighs nighty-eight pounds, i am scared to death for her baby, but in the same since i am excited for her. I watched a movie last night that scared me to death, it was all my anxiety in one movie. I had to sit there and watch everything i am scared of just play on, i had to act like nothing was wrong, like it was the best movie i've seen in a long time. I never feel good enough anymore. i feel as if everyone looks down to me, as if i am not the same person i was, as if they are better than me. It hurts more than anyone will ever know. You send me so many mixed signals, but i know i will never be good enough for you, i understand that but i just wish oh i wish i could have you. Sorry i am not a "barbie" one day someone will like me for me, i hope.

  i am going to go write my grandparents a letter and listen to jack johnson, he always solves all my worries. One day he will be my man, and teach me how to write song so i don't have to express myself through this anymore. (: