oh please just let me please break down

 

How can you just tell me that and not expect me to cry, you hit my weakness. You hit where it hurts the most, something i think about everyday. You think i want to be like this, hell no i don't. Its not something i can change in a week, i am trying my best, but obviously its not enough. You say don't do anything drastic but its hard not to when your bringing me down. I get enough of it from myself i don't need you input. Thanks a lot. I hate being weak.

Happy Earth Day, hopefully you smiled at that picture.

My cousins baby shower was so fun today, tons of food and family. She got a lot of things that she is going to need which is good. I remember when she was my age, the years have flown by so fast its crazy. Landon is going to be so cute plus i get to babysit him, even better! I also can not wait to throw Ashley a baby shower, and for her to have her baby i know she still has six months to go but still like i said time flies by. Its getting scary that in two years i will graduate, that is weird. I am so not ready for that, when you leave high school its a slim chance that you sill stay in touch with any of your friends, only the closes.I am not ready to take on responsibilities of being a adult yet, no quite. These next two years need to go by slow so i can enjoy them.

Lately o have been hanging out with Brigham, Cody, and Paige and its so fun. We act so crazy, and don't even care.I love it. These are the people i know will be there for me. (:

 This boy still makes me smile, and gives me butterflys, i could sit there and talk to him forever. Boy i want you so bad. (:

Prom is not in less than a week! fuck. (: 

your better tahn the best, (:

 

Boy you seriously make me smile, as Paige says i am crushing hard. i want you and nothing but you. At first i was trying so hard not to like you because what happened before, but now i cant hide it. I like you more than ever. Jus to let you know i saved the text you promising me it wouldnt happend again. (: im holding you to it.

Well summer is coming up and i cant wait to be able to soak up the sun, hang out with the best friends, and just live life up not worrying about anything. I have a feeling this summer is going to be the best, and im ready for it.
 I got to see pictures of the baby yesterday, oh my goodness i cant wait for "it" to be born, it will be the cutest thing in the world. Most def. (:
This weekend i am hoping to hangout with Cody and Paige, it would make my weekend! (:
Religion, religion, religion..... i believer there is a god, but i don't believe everything in the bible. there is my point of view. (:

Runaway love,

 

Childish acts from all of us, stupid things said, stupid things done. We all know it will never be the same, we all have different point of view on the whole story. I understand we will never understand where each other is coming from and it will never be the same. Its not just one persons fault, it all of ours. You cant go back and changes things so you just have to live for the day, and that's what i am doing is living for today. This has been going on for way to long its time it ends. Maybe one day we will all become friends, but not right now. Its not time so lets just have our distances and if our friendship is supposed to work than one day ill be there for you, but not right now. Goodbye for now.

If you just realize what i just realized,

So i feel as if i ruin things with everyone's relationships, as if i am a burden. We know that were not supposed to like each other but that doesn't matter, we adore each other, and wont stop till we get what we want. It is kind of hard to explain, but he makes me happy, smile like non-other, and other than my best friend is the only one that i feel understands me. We can sit down and have a conversation about everything and anything, serious stuff, things that bother us, and random things. I feel as if your what i need, i don't know what is going to be in store for the future or what all i know is i like you dear. (:

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want,

That Is it i got it, i am now officially executive secretary. (: i knew i was going to get it but it just feels so good having the title now, being up there at the top. Student council is like band to me, i love being apart of it. It not only keeps me busy but i feel like i have a voice in something. Just something im dedicated to and excited to be apart of again next year. This summer i will be going to summer camp for student council. So stoked! (:
Life has been pretty good lately, get to hang out with the best friends al ot more, not worry about guys because that is not my top priority right now enough though, it would be nice to be with someone. Cody and Paige have really made me smile the past few days just being able to hang out with them and have so much fun, i love it. (:
Jack Johnson is coming to Kansas, i need to go, i want to go, i am going i don't care what my parents say.Ah. I also can not wait for my brother and ashley to have their baby and my cousin to have hers, oh and cant forget Baby Berry. (: So many babies, that are going to be so cute.

Going to go to the gym soon, then giong running with the brother. (: im going to loose weight. Whoo!

I need this old train to breakdown,

 

Have you ever realized it was not her fault it was yours? You were not there when i needed you, you didn't care enough. It seemed like all you cared about was boys like it has always been. I chose to go to Greensburg and you didn't. I got so close to her the first night i felt like i could tell her so much and open up, tell her things i had never told you before. I was only got close to her one day and i told her thing that i hadn't even told you after 5 years. This is not a blog to talk trash on you, its a blog to tell you its not her fault it yours. I can still be friends with you but i don't think you realize it will NEVER  be the same again, you have ruined the friend ship we had, there will always be the memories but never the friendship. I feel like i am friends with who i need to be right now and life is good. You can have your new friends that talk trash on you and ill have my friends that are always going to be there for me, no matter what happens. i feel at home right now and that is all i need. This is closure for me, and let it be closure you you too. (:

So heres your holiday, will you enjoy this time you gave it all away.

 

Why cant you just respect her. You love her really, why are you cheating on her and lying to her all the time. just because she wont always be on your command and give you what you want does not mean that you should not treat her how she needs to be treated. i know it was awhile ago but that does not make it any better that does not give you a reason to be a dick to her. she is so sweet and did nothing to you yet you still feel the need to do those things. goodness.

Had fun last night with Cody and Paige, we went to Walmart, dollar tree, family dollar, everywhere but no one had any fake mustaches! (: "this is going to sound really dumb but do you have any fake mustaches?" haha. We ended up at Brigham's like last weekend just chilling outside disturbing the peace.  His little neighbors were horn dogs. This little boy named tanner would go up to Paige and I and say you two are hot! (he was 10) and we would just say thank you, he starting bringing me flowers from his tree in his back yard, and ask for hugs. I didn't mind the hugs until i realized every time he would hug me he would look down my shirt! What a little creeper.

So you want me but have a girlfriend why don't you stay true to her, not try to flirt with me all the time i don't need no ex-girlfriend drama again. The other boy on the other hand is so complicated that i am getting fed up with him. He wants to flirt one day, and not the next. make up your mind do you like me or don't you, i cant read you mind tell me what is going through your pretty head. I am done trying to read you. Hopefully by prom you will have made up your mind. blehhhh

I am ready for summer, i want to go on a road trip. get away from everything and everyone. I wouldn't mind going on one with Cody and Paige. I think it would be fun. Me and my bestfriends, the people i can be myself around no matter what, the ones i can tell anything to. I would love it.

I feel sorrow for the fear And everything it brings

I'm almost over trying for you. I know you flirt with me all the time but you flirt with a lot of girls. I am going to wait and see but right now i am all most to my breaking point. I cant wait forever for someone who doesn't want me. ugh..

So went to the moc crisis today is was a blast, went on the air force base and everything. I was supposed to be someone who was burnt really bad and had to have an iv and oxygen. It was amazing, and i basically died because they didn't treat me like they were supposed to. (:

I need to go do some homework, bad! Goodbye blog.

Another sleepless night and still staring at the ceiling,

Goodness, im going to try and blog more than just once every other week. (: i cant wait until elections are done so much drama going on i hate it. there is no reason we can not be a team, but i guess we cant realize that. whatever.
 I cant wait till summer, im getting tired of school. Sleepless nights dont help waking up ealy. Im not sure why i cant sleep that well at night anymore, maybe it is bacause i have to much to think about at night, whatever it is i hate it.
I also hate how you flirt and flirt but wont admit you like me, get over yourself i know im not the prettiest of girls but at least give me a chance. i have the biggest heart, but you wouldnt know. Hopfully after prom you will realize, you want me.
Paige is in the other room so i suppose i should go hang with the best friend. (:

 

So, high school really does change people. For the better and the worse. I like to say its changed me for the best but i know some things have changed for the worst. There are some people i wish high school didn't change, people that i used to love being around now i cant stand them. Its all apart of growing up. But i believe everything happens for a reason so, live for today not tomorrow. Also if you think about it after high school usually you only talk to half of the people you went to school with. Only a selected few make it past high school and those are only the ones that mattered. High school has just got me thinking lately.



We finally getting over being sick for three weeks straight, I'm so happy. School is going to be out for summer pretty soon. I am really excited, not that i want to get away from everyone but i need sleep, and to stop stressing. My goals for this summer are:
*Get in shape from now until the start of school
*Go to a summer camp either a student council one, or this one i heard about today for kids trying to cope with have family that has cancer, it would be so much fun.
*Get a job
*Just have fun
*Oh and get a tan, hopefully

(: